Summer

I close my eyes
Against the sun's brilliance
My skin warm
I cling to summer
To life
To the scent of grass cuttings
And the perfume of roses

Autumn is just a breath away
But right now,
At this very moment
Leaves are green
Tomatoes ripen on bushes
And fruit grows everywhere

I refuse to look to the future
To let the days speed past me
In a blur of Monday to Friday
So I take time to pick blackberries
Purple juice staining my fingers

I watch apples ripening
Spot fruit trees around Brighton
I smell the roses every day
Delighting in the sunshine
And delighting in the rain.

Goodbye

It's time to move on
He said no
And now he's left

It's time to move on
To stop crying
And start smiling
Even as I wait anxiously
For an email or text

It's time to start dancing again
Time for dating
For joy, fun, and laughter

I release my ties to him
And feel a sense of freedom as I do so
I take all that I've learnt from him
And move forward
With my life.

Kind Words

I wrap my arms around myself
And for the first time
Speak kind words
Over myself
Words full of love and compassion
Kindness and gentleness
I tell myself
It's okay
You'll be okay
You can forgive yourself
For past mistakes
And forgive those
Who hurt you
You can let go of vicious words
Spoken over you
You are okay
Who you are right now is okay
You are enough
God loves you exactly as you are
And somehow it helps
My tears dry up
Old past hurts
Begin to heal
And I find peace.

Breathless Life

Another Friday
Another weekend
Life flashing
Past my eyes
I try to slow it down
By enjoying the little things
That make life shine brighter
The warmth of the sun on my face
Going for walks
On crisp winter days
Wrapped up warm
Photographing colourful flowers
And sunsets
Imagining stories set on strange new worlds
Writing and drawing
Fun evenings laughing with friends
Dancing freely
Drumming
And worshipping God
But life continues speeding onwards
Leaving me breathless.

Cracks

My heart aches

And tears run down my cheeks unbidden

Everything hurts

And I'm filled with confusion

I don't understand him

I opened my heart to him

My half-healed, cracked heart

And now everything hurts

I'm not okay

Nothing is okay

And I don't know what to do.

Treasure

I treasure everything
I learn about him
All of his expressions
His smile
And laughter
I take in everything he tells me
Asking question after question
Because I'm curious
About the pieces of the puzzle
Still out of sight
But I like what I hear
What I see
How I feel
And I try to forget
That he's leaving soon
That there will be Sunday's
Spoilt by his absence
And I try to ignore
The fear in my heart
That warns me
To keep my distance
I just talk to him
As much as I can
And soak it all up
Before it's too late.

Alone

Couples huddle together
While Christmas shopping
On this icy day
Warming each other
With kisses
Sipping steaming cups of
Starbucks coffee

But I am alone
Wherever I go
Always alone
Just watching
From afar
Wishing I could open up
To love
But fear blocks my path
Reminding me of heartbreak
And loss

I long for kisses
To sooth my frozen lips
How I long
For closeness and comfort
But I'm stuck here
Watching from afar
Dreaming of love
Always just dreaming