Cherishing memories as they slowly fade
Will he forget me one day?
My heart aches as I see him suffer
I cling to my rock, to hope
Fleeting phone calls, expressing love
Across the world, so far away
Salty tears flow down my face
As I cry, please don't forget me.
Monday 27 January 2014
Monday 6 January 2014
The Grosvenor Twins Part 2
"Morning," Josh said turning on the bedside lamp in our bedroom, "I've made you breakfast."
"Thanks Josh," I said sitting up in bed and running my hands through my messy long hair to tidy it.
"You look perfect," he said kissing me on my cheek and sitting the tray on my lap, "Eat up. By the way I'm working from home today, shall we have lunch together?"
"Sounds good," I said taking a bite of toast and wondering if I would make it back from David's by then.
Waking up was always strange, I felt fine until a few moments later I would remember how I had lost my sister and grief would hit me, a physical pain in my heart. Some days I only felt anger towards my twin who had suggested 'one last prank' and had died leaving me to sort out the mess. Clara and I had swapped places in each other's lives a day before she carelessly crossed the road without looking and had been killed almost instantly.
I had seen no solution to the situation I was stuck in when Clara died, I was stuck in the role of Josh's girlfriend so I grieved for the loss of my husband as well as my sister. I spend most of my time with David though, and we grieving together as well as going through my belongings. Clara and David had never been close but he grew close with the girl he thought was Clara. It broke my heart to see him hurting but as his sister in law I could comfort him and help him. And I wouldn't lose him from my life.
I ate the breakfast that Josh had made me and after a shower I walked to David's house. That morning we listened to my favourite music as we went through, and mostly threw out, books. I remembered, only as I arrived back home early that evening, Josh suggesting us having lunch together. He was sitting at the kitchen table as I walked indoors and hung up my coat in the cupboard under the stairs.
He watched me without saying a word as I filled up the kettle and switched it on, "Josh I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about lunch until just now."
"Did David cook you something for lunch?" he asked, his face a mask showing no emotion.
"I heated up some soup for us."
"Clara, I know David needs you but please remember that I'm here for you too."
"Too long."
"Thanks Josh," I said sitting up in bed and running my hands through my messy long hair to tidy it.
"You look perfect," he said kissing me on my cheek and sitting the tray on my lap, "Eat up. By the way I'm working from home today, shall we have lunch together?"
"Sounds good," I said taking a bite of toast and wondering if I would make it back from David's by then.
Waking up was always strange, I felt fine until a few moments later I would remember how I had lost my sister and grief would hit me, a physical pain in my heart. Some days I only felt anger towards my twin who had suggested 'one last prank' and had died leaving me to sort out the mess. Clara and I had swapped places in each other's lives a day before she carelessly crossed the road without looking and had been killed almost instantly.
I had seen no solution to the situation I was stuck in when Clara died, I was stuck in the role of Josh's girlfriend so I grieved for the loss of my husband as well as my sister. I spend most of my time with David though, and we grieving together as well as going through my belongings. Clara and David had never been close but he grew close with the girl he thought was Clara. It broke my heart to see him hurting but as his sister in law I could comfort him and help him. And I wouldn't lose him from my life.
I ate the breakfast that Josh had made me and after a shower I walked to David's house. That morning we listened to my favourite music as we went through, and mostly threw out, books. I remembered, only as I arrived back home early that evening, Josh suggesting us having lunch together. He was sitting at the kitchen table as I walked indoors and hung up my coat in the cupboard under the stairs.
He watched me without saying a word as I filled up the kettle and switched it on, "Josh I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about lunch until just now."
"Did David cook you something for lunch?" he asked, his face a mask showing no emotion.
"I heated up some soup for us."
"Clara, I know David needs you but please remember that I'm here for you too."
"David and I are both grieving and I think it helps to do so together. I'm struggling to come to terms with this," I said trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
"I know," he said quickly standing and holding me tightly, "I know sweetie."
"I know," he said quickly standing and holding me tightly, "I know sweetie."
He rocked me in his arms and I held on tight, thankful for his warmth.
"Maybe it's silly but I worry that David will take you away from me. You're spending so much time with him at the moment. I hardly see you."
"I'm sorry I've been neglecting you Josh_"
"You haven't," he said releasing me and lifting my chin with his hand so that I was looking into his eyes, "I'm grieving too, for her and for your loss, just don't push me away, okay?"
"Okay," I said nodding.
He leaned down to kiss me and I continued to cling to him, holding him tight. We separated, breathless, and I began to undo the buttons on my shirt.
"Are you sure_" he began.
"Yes," I said sounding more confident than I felt. My stomach was tight with nerves. I lead him upstairs to our bedroom.
Once undressed we held each other under the duvet and although it felt strange it was wonderful. We made love and Josh was so gentle and kind I felt tears sting my eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asked with a worried expression on his face.
"Yes," I said blinking the tears away, "They're happy tears, I'm sorry I've..."
"It's okay," he smiled, his eyes shining, "I'm happy too, it's so long since we've been open with each other."
"Too long."
Josh fell asleep still holding me in his arms and for a moment I smiled before I thought about David, all alone. I gently slipped out of Josh's arms and after dressing I headed to see David.
He was curled up on the lounge carpet sobbing. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him.
"Shh," I said rocking him in my arms until he became calm.
"You're so much like her," he said stroking my fringe away from my face and pressing his lips gently to mine, "You're too much alike," he said and he began to sob again.
"Do you want me to go?" I asked confused and hurt.
He ran his thumb across my lips which were still throbbing from his kiss, "Yes, I think that would help."
"Okay, I said quickly standing up and leaving the house. As I ran the short distance back to Clara's house I cried, letting the tears run down my face and drip onto my clothes. I unlocked the door as quietly as I could and headed inside. Josh was sitting in the lounge.
"You went to him didn't you," Josh said with a sigh.
I nodded sadly, "I had to, I feel so guilty and sad for him. But he wants me to stay away, he thinks I'm too much like her."
"Do you want to be with me or not Clara?" he said standing up and taking hold of the tops of my arms, "I have to know because I feel a fool."
"I'm sorry Josh but I don't know," I cried, "I'm a mess, please give me some time."
He looked into my eyes for a few moments, "It's been six months Clara. I need to know if you want me or not. I'll go stay with my brother for a couple of days to give you time to decide what you want," he released my arms and walked upstairs. Ten minutes later he walked back down the stairs with a bag.
I felt my bottom lip begin to wobble and more tears spilled from my eyes as he pulled on his coat.
He frowned when he saw my face but he gently wiped the tears away with his hands and kissed me, "I'm sorry Clara, it's just that I need an honest answer. If you really need me, give me a call, otherwise I'll see you on Friday," he kissed me once more before picking up his bag and leaving. I heard his car engine start before he drove away.
I felt lost, with no one to speak to. I turned to a place I hadn't been since childhood, church and confession, where I told a priest the whole story. He didn't judge me in any way and I left with a sense of peace for the first time in six months. He gave me one piece of advice.
He said that the past is behind, that I should learn from it. The present is here. I should make a choice and live it.
I walked home deep in thought and after making a cup of tea I thought about my choices. I could choose to commit wholeheartedly to Josh. I could tell David the truth and hope that he would be willing to accept me back into his life. My third option was to move on with my life alone. I knew that whatever decision I made would be final.
***
I waited at the dining table for Josh on Friday afternoon. He came into the house and straight into the kitchen where he said, "Hello."
"Hi Josh," I said pointing to the seat opposite me.
He sat down and took my hand, "I've missed you," he said glancing into my eyes.
"I've missed you too," I said, "Did you have fun at your brother's?"
"I drove him crazy worrying about you," he said, his cheeks reddening slightly, "Have you been okay?"
"Yes I have thanks. You were right, I needed to make a decision. Would you like some tea?" I asked as I heard the kettle boil.
"Yes please," he said smiling before adding, "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, what is it?" I said as I walked over to the kettle and pored the tea.
"Can I kiss you one more time before you give me your answer? Just in case."
I felt him standing behind me and I turned around looking up into his eyes. He leaned down to kiss me, pulling me closer closing the space between us. He released me a few moments later saying, "Sorry, I didn't wait for your answer."
I smiled, "My answer would have been yes," I said before taking our drinks over to the table where we sat down opposite each other again.
I took a sip of tea before looking at Josh who was watching me nervously, "So what have you decided?"
"After much thought, my answer is yes I want to be with you Josh. However_"
"That doesn't sound like a yes," Josh said.
"Listen," I said stroking his hand, "I have to support David, he's my brother in law. You need to agree that you're happy for me to support him."
"I don't want you spending too much time with him alone, he'll get too attached to you and it's confusing for him. He told you that himself."
"So you'll agree to us supporting him together?"
Josh thought for a moment, "Okay, I'll agree to that."
"Good. I think we should invite him for dinner twice a week, and maybe to stay. He's not coping on his own."
"How about dinner tomorrow night and then we'll see how we feel, make a decision together?"
"Okay. You text him now."
"I'll do it quickly, because I need to kiss you and show you how happy I am about your decision," Josh grinned typing into his phone.
***
We settled into a routine where David would join us for dinner and spend the evening with us twice a week and sometimes he stayed in the spare room. We grieved together, the three of us. I felt myself beginning to heal, to accept the loss of my sister and husband. And I gained a boyfriend who also became my best friend. I was happy.
I returned to the church a year later where the same priest ushered me into a back room.
"I thought I would never see you again," he said, "You've been in my prayers."
"That's kind of you. I returned to thank you for your advice."
"I hope it helped you."
"It really helped. Saying thank you doesn't seem enough."
"It's plenty," he smiled, "I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, although I must say that you look happy, radiant even. It looks like you made the right choice."
"Thank you. I feel sure that I did, even though it wasn't easy," I said smiling.
"So who did you choose?" he asked and I whispered my answer into his ear.
"I see," he chuckled, "Good choice. Now let me walk you out," he said and he lead me through the church to the door, "You're always welcome if you need someone to talk to."
"Thank you," I said and I waved as I stepped out into the warm sunshine to where Josh was waiting for me.
"You all done?"
"Yes, thanks for waiting," I said wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him.
Leaning back he said, "Have I told you how happy I am?"
"Oh just about everyday!" I laughed, "Have I told you how much I love you?"
"I love you too Mrs Hudson," he said kissing me again and linking his hand with mine. The diamond ring on my finger sparkled as the sun reflected off it.
The End.
Are you wondering what I said to the priest?
I told him that I chose to let go of the past, to live my life to the full and be happy. Life had given me a second chance and I had to grab it & hold on to it with both hands.
He was curled up on the lounge carpet sobbing. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him.
"Shh," I said rocking him in my arms until he became calm.
"You're so much like her," he said stroking my fringe away from my face and pressing his lips gently to mine, "You're too much alike," he said and he began to sob again.
"Do you want me to go?" I asked confused and hurt.
He ran his thumb across my lips which were still throbbing from his kiss, "Yes, I think that would help."
"Okay, I said quickly standing up and leaving the house. As I ran the short distance back to Clara's house I cried, letting the tears run down my face and drip onto my clothes. I unlocked the door as quietly as I could and headed inside. Josh was sitting in the lounge.
"You went to him didn't you," Josh said with a sigh.
I nodded sadly, "I had to, I feel so guilty and sad for him. But he wants me to stay away, he thinks I'm too much like her."
"Do you want to be with me or not Clara?" he said standing up and taking hold of the tops of my arms, "I have to know because I feel a fool."
"I'm sorry Josh but I don't know," I cried, "I'm a mess, please give me some time."
He looked into my eyes for a few moments, "It's been six months Clara. I need to know if you want me or not. I'll go stay with my brother for a couple of days to give you time to decide what you want," he released my arms and walked upstairs. Ten minutes later he walked back down the stairs with a bag.
I felt my bottom lip begin to wobble and more tears spilled from my eyes as he pulled on his coat.
He frowned when he saw my face but he gently wiped the tears away with his hands and kissed me, "I'm sorry Clara, it's just that I need an honest answer. If you really need me, give me a call, otherwise I'll see you on Friday," he kissed me once more before picking up his bag and leaving. I heard his car engine start before he drove away.
I felt lost, with no one to speak to. I turned to a place I hadn't been since childhood, church and confession, where I told a priest the whole story. He didn't judge me in any way and I left with a sense of peace for the first time in six months. He gave me one piece of advice.
He said that the past is behind, that I should learn from it. The present is here. I should make a choice and live it.
I walked home deep in thought and after making a cup of tea I thought about my choices. I could choose to commit wholeheartedly to Josh. I could tell David the truth and hope that he would be willing to accept me back into his life. My third option was to move on with my life alone. I knew that whatever decision I made would be final.
***
I waited at the dining table for Josh on Friday afternoon. He came into the house and straight into the kitchen where he said, "Hello."
"Hi Josh," I said pointing to the seat opposite me.
He sat down and took my hand, "I've missed you," he said glancing into my eyes.
"I've missed you too," I said, "Did you have fun at your brother's?"
"I drove him crazy worrying about you," he said, his cheeks reddening slightly, "Have you been okay?"
"Yes I have thanks. You were right, I needed to make a decision. Would you like some tea?" I asked as I heard the kettle boil.
"Yes please," he said smiling before adding, "Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, what is it?" I said as I walked over to the kettle and pored the tea.
"Can I kiss you one more time before you give me your answer? Just in case."
I felt him standing behind me and I turned around looking up into his eyes. He leaned down to kiss me, pulling me closer closing the space between us. He released me a few moments later saying, "Sorry, I didn't wait for your answer."
I smiled, "My answer would have been yes," I said before taking our drinks over to the table where we sat down opposite each other again.
I took a sip of tea before looking at Josh who was watching me nervously, "So what have you decided?"
"After much thought, my answer is yes I want to be with you Josh. However_"
"That doesn't sound like a yes," Josh said.
"Listen," I said stroking his hand, "I have to support David, he's my brother in law. You need to agree that you're happy for me to support him."
"I don't want you spending too much time with him alone, he'll get too attached to you and it's confusing for him. He told you that himself."
"So you'll agree to us supporting him together?"
Josh thought for a moment, "Okay, I'll agree to that."
"Good. I think we should invite him for dinner twice a week, and maybe to stay. He's not coping on his own."
"How about dinner tomorrow night and then we'll see how we feel, make a decision together?"
"Okay. You text him now."
"I'll do it quickly, because I need to kiss you and show you how happy I am about your decision," Josh grinned typing into his phone.
***
We settled into a routine where David would join us for dinner and spend the evening with us twice a week and sometimes he stayed in the spare room. We grieved together, the three of us. I felt myself beginning to heal, to accept the loss of my sister and husband. And I gained a boyfriend who also became my best friend. I was happy.
I returned to the church a year later where the same priest ushered me into a back room.
"I thought I would never see you again," he said, "You've been in my prayers."
"That's kind of you. I returned to thank you for your advice."
"I hope it helped you."
"It really helped. Saying thank you doesn't seem enough."
"It's plenty," he smiled, "I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, although I must say that you look happy, radiant even. It looks like you made the right choice."
"Thank you. I feel sure that I did, even though it wasn't easy," I said smiling.
"So who did you choose?" he asked and I whispered my answer into his ear.
"I see," he chuckled, "Good choice. Now let me walk you out," he said and he lead me through the church to the door, "You're always welcome if you need someone to talk to."
"Thank you," I said and I waved as I stepped out into the warm sunshine to where Josh was waiting for me.
"You all done?"
"Yes, thanks for waiting," I said wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him.
Leaning back he said, "Have I told you how happy I am?"
"Oh just about everyday!" I laughed, "Have I told you how much I love you?"
"I love you too Mrs Hudson," he said kissing me again and linking his hand with mine. The diamond ring on my finger sparkled as the sun reflected off it.
The End.
Are you wondering what I said to the priest?
I told him that I chose to let go of the past, to live my life to the full and be happy. Life had given me a second chance and I had to grab it & hold on to it with both hands.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)