Summer

I close my eyes
Against the sun's brilliance
My skin warm
I cling to summer
To life
To the scent of grass cuttings
And the perfume of roses

Autumn is just a breath away
But right now,
At this very moment
Leaves are green
Tomatoes ripen on bushes
And fruit grows everywhere

I refuse to look to the future
To let the days speed past me
In a blur of Monday to Friday
So I take time to pick blackberries
Purple juice staining my fingers

I watch apples ripening
Spot fruit trees around Brighton
I smell the roses every day
Delighting in the sunshine
And delighting in the rain.

Goodbye

It's time to move on
He said no
And now he's left

It's time to move on
To stop crying
And start smiling
Even as I wait anxiously
For an email or text

It's time to start dancing again
Time for dating
For joy, fun, and laughter

I release my ties to him
And feel a sense of freedom as I do so
I take all that I've learnt from him
And move forward
With my life.

Kind Words

I wrap my arms around myself
And for the first time
Speak kind words
Over myself
Words full of love and compassion
Kindness and gentleness
I tell myself
It's okay
You'll be okay
You can forgive yourself
For past mistakes
And forgive those
Who hurt you
You can let go of vicious words
Spoken over you
You are okay
Who you are right now is okay
You are enough
God loves you exactly as you are
And somehow it helps
My tears dry up
Old past hurts
Begin to heal
And I find peace.

Breathless Life

Another Friday
Another weekend
Life flashing
Past my eyes
I try to slow it down
By enjoying the little things
That make life shine brighter
The warmth of the sun on my face
Going for walks
On crisp winter days
Wrapped up warm
Photographing colourful flowers
And sunsets
Imagining stories set on strange new worlds
Writing and drawing
Fun evenings laughing with friends
Dancing freely
Drumming
And worshipping God
But life continues speeding onwards
Leaving me breathless.

Cracks

My heart aches

And tears run down my cheeks unbidden

Everything hurts

And I'm filled with confusion

I don't understand him

I opened my heart to him

My half-healed, cracked heart

And now everything hurts

I'm not okay

Nothing is okay

And I don't know what to do.

Treasure

I treasure everything
I learn about him
All of his expressions
His smile
And laughter
I take in everything he tells me
Asking question after question
Because I'm curious
About the pieces of the puzzle
Still out of sight
But I like what I hear
What I see
How I feel
And I try to forget
That he's leaving soon
That there will be Sunday's
Spoilt by his absence
And I try to ignore
The fear in my heart
That warns me
To keep my distance
I just talk to him
As much as I can
And soak it all up
Before it's too late.

Alone

Couples huddle together
While Christmas shopping
On this icy day
Warming each other
With kisses
Sipping steaming cups of
Starbucks coffee

But I am alone
Wherever I go
Always alone
Just watching
From afar
Wishing I could open up
To love
But fear blocks my path
Reminding me of heartbreak
And loss

I long for kisses
To sooth my frozen lips
How I long
For closeness and comfort
But I'm stuck here
Watching from afar
Dreaming of love
Always just dreaming

Coming Home (Part 2 of In the Stars)

I’m chatting to three of my friends at the start of school when I see Grace arrive. She smiles when she sees me, her expression full of happiness. I almost smile back, I want to so badly, but my split and bruised knuckles throb and I realise that I can’t get close to her, I can’t risk hurting her. I narrow my eyes and give her the coldest look I can manage. She shouldn't associate with me.

Hurt flashes across her face, then she turns and walks away, not looking back. I feel like throwing up, I was so looking forward to speaking to her today.

“Ooh, you’ve got a fan,” Ben says, slapping me hard on my back. James and Kevin laugh loudly. I have a bruise on my jaw which none of them have asked me about. Why do I hang with these people? I head off to my first class, leaving them laughing. 

My body is stiff from the beating my Dad gave me last night, the worst he's ever hurt me and the first time I’ve ever turned on him. The first time I've hit anyone. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I can’t think of anything worse than turning into my Dad. I suddenly realise the Miss Jones is right in front of me and that I haven't heard a single word she's said in the class so far. “Everything okay Matt?” she asks. 

“Yes,” I say.

She looks at me more closely, her eyes on my jaw and down at my bruised hands. It seems like ages until she speaks. “Stay for a few minutes after class,” she finally says, and goes back to the lesson. I try to focus, but I can’t. At the end of the hour, I wait in my seat. 

“Is everything okay Matt?” she asks. 

“Yes,” I tell her. I can’t tell anyone what happened. What I did. I swallow loudly.

“I don’t think it is,” she shakes her head. “Who hurt you?"

The urge to tell someone is overwhelming. “I don’t want to be like my Dad,” I blurt out. 

"Tell me what happened," she urges.
"He was angry when I got home last night, and started hitting me, worse than ever before," I say, and feel a twinge of guilt about lying to Grace. "I hit him back. I've never done that before."
"And what about your Mum? Has he hurt her too."
"Yes.
"Is she okay Matt?"
"I think so. I think she's okay," I say, looking down.
"Thanks for telling me this Matt. I know it was hard. I'm going to call Mr Graham, our consellor and ask him to join us in this discussion. Are there any friends you can open up to about this? It can really help."

Immediately, Grace pops into my mind. I think she’s someone I can talk to, if she can forgive me. “I think I so,” I say.

“That's good,” she says and picks up the phone.

Mr Graham and Miss Jones encourage me to report my Dad to police, which I do and Mr Graham drives us to the police station so that I can and tell them what's happening. It's lunchtime when we arrive back at school. They suggested I go home but I couldn't face it. Yawning, I walk to the canteen to see if I can find Grace. She’s in the queue to pay for lunch. I join her and throw some food onto my tray. 

“Will you have lunch with me Grace?” 

She looks reluctant but her eyes widen when she takes in the bruise on my face. “Of course,” she says.

We find a table outside and start eating. “What happened?” She asks.

“I’m sorry about earlier", I say in a rush.  “I was scared about what happened last night, scared of who I am.” 

“Don't worry,” she says. “What happened?” 

“My Dad was waiting for me last night. He went crazy, swearing at me. Hitting me.” 

“Are you badly hurt? Will you be okay?” 

“Not too badly. I reported him to the police this morning. That's why I was out of school. I've been feeling guilty because I hit him back,” I say, my expression grim as I say the last few words. 

“I'm glad you defended yourself” she says, her eyes glittering fiercely. “Has your Dad been arrested? You’re not going back there are you?” 
"I don't know what will happen." I bite one of my nails.

She reaches out and cups my cheek with her right hand, running her thumb lightly over the bruise. "I have some ointment that would help the bruising go down."
"I'm fine." She releases her hand but I grab it and hold it. "Thanks for being a good friend. For letting me talk to you."
"You can talk to me about anything. You can trust me."
"You're beautiful," I force the words out. What if she doesn't feel the same about me?
Her eyes widen. It could be shock, but I think I sense fear, "What are you saying Matt?"
"I want you to be my girlfriend." I take a deep breath and watch her as her eyes widen further. She looks like a rabbit in the headlights. I know she's had a rough time with her parents but I really thought she liked me. I remember holding her last night. She didn't seem scared then.
"I can't," she finally says, her voice cracking. "All I can be to you is a friend."
"Forget I asked," I say, pulling my hand of hers and walking away.

How could I trust her? My heart aches and my head starts to throb. I hide outside and miss all my afternoon classes, trying to figure out what to do. What's happening at home? Will Mum support my statement? For me? 
When the final bell rings I head back inside school to put my books back into my locker. When I open it, a note flutters out and onto the floor. Before I can reach down to grab it another hand picks it up. James. Oh Great.

"Meet me in the park after school. I'm sorry. Love G," he reads. "Ooh," he mocks. "Who's the chick?"
"Fuck off," I say, but he just laughs. Raising my hands to my chin in a boxing stance, I say, "Give that back or you'll regret it."
His eyebrows raise, in shock maybe, and he throws the note on the floor, mumbling, "Whatever," as he walks away. I grab the note and stuff it into the pocket of my jacket.

I pile up the books I had in my bag into the locker and leave school, hands in my pockets. The note brushes my hand as I walk. My friends say goodbye but I ignore them and walk straight to the park. All the way, I wonder what she has to say to me. Will she change her mind? Nerves knot in my stomach.

She's sitting on the same bench as last night and she smiles when she sees me but it doesn't reach her eyes. I sit next to her and say, "Hi."
"Hi," she says. "You got my note."
When I don't answer, she continues. "I spoke to my Mum. She said you could stay for a few days, in my brother's room, until you and your Mum get things sorted. He's at college so there's plenty of room."
"Are you sure it's okay?" I say and when she nods I feel a huge weight lifting off my shoulders. I'm so happy I don't have to face things at home now. "Thank you."
"About earlier," she says, her mouth twisting as she speaks. "I was scared. I'm sorry."
"What are you scared of Grace?"
Her face crumples and she cries, holding her hands over her face. I want to reach out and comfort her but I don't.
When she finally stops crying and takes her hands away from her face, she tries to wipe the tears on her cheeks away with her fingers. "It's been so long since I opened up to anyone. Until last night. But you already knew," her eyebrows raise. "I was twelve and I had a best friend. Nancy and I were so close. I finally told her what was going on at home," she sighs. "She told her Mum who confronted my Mum. She was furious with me. I was grounded for a week and in that time, Nancy moved to a new school. I still see her from time to time but she just looks away. Since then, I've kept my distance. I haven't got close to anyone."
"What are you saying Grace? That you can't trust me to keep my mouth shut?"
"I'm afraid to trust you," she shifts on the bench. "I'm afraid to get close to you. I thought after last night that maybe I'd found a friend,"
"I pushed too fast,"
"Yes, that's exactly it."
"So we'll be friends," I say. "For now."
"For now?" she says, her voice squeaky.
"I don't remember you being unhappy with me holding you last night."
She chuckles, looking down at her hands in her lap, but I'm sure I see her cheeks redden.
"So do friends kiss?"
She rolls her eyes at me, "Come on, we'd better head home, it's almost time for dinner."

In the Stars Part 1

I sit on a bench in my local park staring at the stars, trying to forget the sound of my parents screaming at each other. Tears rush into my eyes and I bite my bottom lip until it throbs. I won’t cry. I won’t show weakness, I tell myself. I hear footsteps and Matt, a boy who is a year above me at school, sits on the other side of the bench. “Hi Grace,” he says.
It takes me a moment to respond because all I can think is, how does he know my name?  “Hi,” I finally say.
“Matt,” he says.
“I know,” I say and I feel my cheeks heating up. I press my palms against my cheeks to cool them down.
“Okay,” he shrugs and laughs at the same time. “Parents fighting?" he asks.
"How do you know that?" I ask, frowning.
"I saw them once, dropping you at school, so caught up in themselves that they barely noticed you." He shakes his head, angrily. "I know what that's like too."
"Your parents argue a lot too?"
"Yes. And when my Dad gets really mad he punches my Mum."
"I'm so sorry," I say.

Tears rush into my eyes again, and my hands tighten into fists. Why can't I control my emotions? Matt shuffles along the bench until he’s  right next to me, his arm lightly touching mine. His fingers cover one of my fists. Suddenly I can't breath. He's too close but I don't want him to leave.

"You can show how you feel, you know," he says, his voice gentle. "It's not weakness."

I sob, and it echos around the park. How does he get me so easily when I have no idea who I am?

"Mum told me never to show weakness?" I sniff.
"She was wrong," he shakes his head. "Letting your emotions show is brave."

I try to swallow the lump in my throat but I can't hold it in anymore. Matt pulls me into his arms as I cry and I cling to him, my arms around his neck.

"Feel a bit better?" he asks when finally I am calm again. I nod, letting him go, but he holds onto my waist. I feel exhausted, but somehow lighter, like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.

We sit together for a long time, in silence. It's a peaceful silence though. I look up at the sky, and wonder what's in the stars, It's rarely dark enough to see them.

"I'd better go," I say eventually. It's almost 1 AM, way past my curfew.
Matt releases me and we both stand up. I shiver, missing his warmth.
"Thanks for listening."
He nods. "Thank you for being here Grace," he says. "Do you need me to walk you home?"
I shake my head. "It's not far."
"Okay. Night Grace."
"Night Matt."

I watch him walk away until he is out of sight. Will he talk to me at school tomorrow? I can't help wondering. Then I leave the park and run home.

Rachel's Dive into Recovery

I woke up screaming again. The same dream, haunting me nightly. But they were not just dreams, it really happened. I almost drowned while training. And it was completely my own fault.

Will slept on; Glad that I hadn't woken him this time I tiptoed downstairs to get a glass of water. Looking out at our pool, untouched now for two years, anger surged through me. Why couldn't I get over this?

I opened the doors to the pool room, breathing in the familiar smell of Chlorine. And looked up at the stars through the glass roof. “Is there anyone up there?" I asked. "Please help me."

I pulled off my nightie and before I could think too much I dived into the deep end of the pool. Heart beating at double time, I rose to the surface, carefully holding my breath. Treading water, I kept repeating, "I’m okay, I'm okay."

Suddenly the light changed, and my eyes closed against the brightness.

“You okay Rach?” Will asked, concern in his voice.
“I think so.” I said, my voice shaky.

There was a splash and he was by my side in an instant, his arms pulling me close, “I've got you."

Christmas Eve

On the blackest night

Of winter

On Christmas eve

The stars shone

Bright in the sky

That was the day

You came back to me

Finally

After so long apart

Clumping through the snow

In your wellies

You sang me a love song

A stanza

A warrant of your love for me

We made a snowman

You kissed my frozen fingers

Warmed my cold lips

Sipping mulled wine

We decorated the Christmas tree

And remembered Jesus' birth

Placed a mince pie on the fireplace for santa

And then fell asleep

Bodies pressed together

Limbs entwined

Hopeful for the future.

Waiting for You

How is it that you love me?
You, an adventurer
Me, just an ordinary girl
I think of only you
When I see your picture
On my nightstand
My skewered heart throbs
Waiting for your return
For your kisses
Your scent
Your love
And your stories
Of Pirates and graves.

Lost in Grief

The day my Mum died I walked through the forest opposite my house, sorrowful and distraught, until I came across the wood crafter. He beckoned me closer, and offered me a cheese steak. His silence soothed me. I ate hungrily. I felt like I had seem him somewhere before, and when he pressed a large glass of water into my hands, I realised he was my sensei. I started to speak but he pressed his fingers to my lips and passed me the drink, which I quickly gulped down.

He pointed to the sofa in his shed, a place to sleep, but I shook my head, tears filling my eyes. He brushed the back of his hand across my cheek, his expression, full of understanding. It was too much. I started to run but he caught my hand and pulled me to him, holding me tightly while I sobbed out my grief.

Maria's Unwelcome Visitor

I started writing this story from Story Bandit's dare but it became much longer. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Maria was teaching a watercolour class in her garden in Devon. She and her students were dry under a huge gazebo while all around them it rained heavily. She wandered around as they worked giving her students encouragement. Her eyes widened as she saw her student Joe’s effort.
“Great...initiative,” she said with a smile.
“I'm having struggles,” he said with a sigh.
“You’re doing great, keep going." She touched him lightly on his shoulder

As Maria moved onto her next student David and complimented his work, there was a loud noise and a a motorbike flew through her garden, destroying fences and the flowerbed that her class were painting. Luckily it stopped before anyone was hurt but Maria was furious. What an idiot.

“What the hell are you doing?” she yelled.
The motorcyclist pulled the helmet off to reveal an attractive man with dark skin and short black hair. His eyes were ringed with long eyelashes “Oops. Sorry.”
“You've destroyed my garden,” Maria looked at the muddy mess and felt like crying.
“Like I said, I'm sorry.” he said muttering, “Women,” under his breath.
Maria gasped, “You...you chauvinistic pig,” she said, narrowing her eyes.
“Well help me dislodge my bike and I’ll be out of your way,” he said, rolling his eyes.
Maria stood at the back of the motorbike and pushed as the man started the engine. The bike refused to move, the wheels turned but didn't move forward and muddy spots dotted Maria’s clothes and face.

“Arghhh,” she screamed. “Stop, stop.”
The man laughed under his breath.
“What’s wrong with you?” Maria shook her head.

As she walked away she slid and fell into the muddy puddle around the bike. She screamed as she fell, covering most of her body in the disgusting liquid. She tried to stand up but the mud was slippery and the puddle was growing in size every minute.

“Someone help me,” she asked, and though her students watched her they didn't move. The motorcyclist stepped off his bike. By this time, the wheels were almost completely under water and the rain kept pouring. He held out his hand to her but before she could take it, he slipped too and fell into the puddle next to her. Maria laughed at his shocked face.

He splashed her and she retaliated, not caring any more how cold and wet she was. She threw her head back and laughed. “What’s your name?” she asked when they stopped playing.
“Adam Cooper,” he said extending his hand for her to shake. “What’s your name?”
“Maria Shapna,” she said with a smile. “You can come inside and have a shower if you like.”
“I've caused you enough trouble.” Looking her in the eye he stroked a few strands of her long black hair and tucked them behind her ear. “Can I take you out for dinner sometime?”
“What?” Maria exclaimed. “One minute you laugh at me, the next you ask me out. I'm confused.”
“I guess that didn't help,” Adam chewed his lip. “But look at you, all these men around you_”
“My students. I teach.”
“Just students. Really?" Maria nodded.
“I'm usually not such a jerk. I promise.” A smile flashed across his face. “Just come to dinner with me, or lunch.”
“Will you fix my garden?"
“Yes. I promise,” he said. "I'm sorry I damaged it."
“Thanks. What do you do for a living?”
“I'm a teacher too,” he said.
“What do you teach?”
“Creative writing.”
“You’re a writer?”
“Um...well...I used to be.”
“What do you mean?” Maria asked. 
“Writer’s block,” he sighed. “I just can’t seem to get past it. So, any more questions?” he looked at Maria enquiringly.
“Not at the moment,” she said.
“Are you going to answer my question about going out?”
Maria laughed, and nodded, deciding to give him a chance.
“You are going to answer my question?”
“I just did.” She smiled.

Adam ran his hand across her cheek and she shivered, her heart racing at his touch. He pressed his mouth to hers, and she pulled him closer, until their bodies were touching. When he released her Maria remembered her students. Looking up she saw them painting away, or pretending to.
“Class is over, I'm afraid," she said. "I’ll spend a bit longer with you next week.”

They all gathered their things together and left quickly, Joe stopped a moment, “Do you need some help Maria?” he asked.
“I'm okay. Thanks for the offer Joe. Adam will help me.” Joe nodded, though he didn't look happy, and left.

Turning her attention back to Adam, Maria said, “Come on, I’ll make us coffee if you help me out of here.”
Adam stood up lifting Maria with him and they walked inside.

A home on Venus

A piece of Flash Fiction written from @StoryBandit's dare below. Slightly over 99 words but never mind!!

Deep underground on the planet Venus, away from the constantly erupting volcano's that ravage the planet, two humans survive. The mission, to live and discover more about Venus, was top secret, and now the one man who controlled the experiment from Earth is dead.

Bella coughed, the heat and thick gases were penetrating their sanctuary more every day. “What can we do?” Oxygen levels were diminishing fast. Faster than they could produce more.
Tyler shook his head, “There’s nothing we can do,” he said, his voice rough.
Bella sobbed, but any tears evaporated instantly in the heat of their surroundings. She sat on Tyler’s lap and kissed his chapped lips for the last time.
“I love you,” she said and her words echoed across the planet as the lava tornado broke through the barrier and ravaged their home.

Argument while Running for the Bus

Another story written from one of @storybandit's dares.


“You’re seeing your friends again tonight?” I said, irritation hardening my tone. “Oh shit, the bus is coming.”
We set off running towards the bus stop.
“Only twice this week,” he countered.
“It’s Tuesday,” I yelled swerving around an elderly lady.
“And I’ll spend the other three days with you.”
“Ha. Like that’s gonna happen. You spent one night with me last week. One night,” I shouted, sucking in a deep breath and holding my arm out as the bus flew past us.
“Now you've made me miss the bus.” I said, slowing to a walk. Tears filled my eyes. “Why are you with me if you don’t want to spend time with me?” 
“I...I,” he started.
“See,” I said, my voice breaking. “There’s no point.” I shook my head and walked away. Once I made it to the corner I sat on someone's wall and broke down, sobs racking my body.
A few minutes later I was drying my eyes with a tissue when a hand touched my shoulder. I screamed at the top of my voice, jumping in shock.
“God, it’s just me,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Look, I want to be with you, I just get caught up in what my friends are doing. I'm sorry.”
“You sure you want to be with me?” 
“I'm completely sure,” he said. “Let’s go wait for the bus.” He took my hand.
“What do you want to do tonight?” I asked as we sat at the bus stop.
“Well, like I said, I'm seeing my friends.”

Midnight at an Abandoned Hospital

I wrote this 199 word story using a prompt from @storybandit on twitter. Actually it's a few words over 199 but never mind!

I arrived at the hospital at midnight as agreed with Will. He’s my next door neighbour and best friend. The hospital used to treat patients with mental illness but has been abandoned for years since the government closed it down. To tell you the truth, I'm terrified to go inside, but I can’t tell Will that.

Hearing a noise behind me I screamed, realising too late that it was Will. He laughed.
“Shut up,” I said. Sometimes he can be a right idiot.
“Are we going inside or are you too scared Anna?”
“Let’s go,” I said switching on my torch.

The building was completely dark and smelt musty. Dust covered every surface. We walked along the main corridor to the end where we had to choose to turn right or left. As we turned right a light came on in the left hallway. Adrenaline flooded my body and I gripped the torch tighter in my sweaty hands. Suddenly the corridor lit up and I blinked a few times to get my eyes used to the light. An old man walked towards us, with his arms out. “Who’s there," he asked. “Mavis is that you?"
Was he a ghost? We'll never know, but I'll never forget Will's face as we ran out of there. 

Josie's Brush With Death

I sat in the dingy pub with a group of friends from college, sipping a glass of vodka & coke. The boys sat one side of the table and the girls the other. Feeling Will's eyes on me, I kept my head down, and tried to follow the conversation. Ugh, ever since the party last week, things had been weird between us. Why did I let him kiss me? I wondered.

The girls giggled, whispering non stop about the boys. I gulped down my drink stood up to leave. I swayed a little, that drink must've had more alcohol in it than I'd realised. I stepped out of the pub, it was still light, and walked towards the main road. My bus pulled up on the other side of the road.

"Oh shit," I didn't want to miss this bus. I ran straight into the road towards it.

Before I could move far a hand caught my wrist and pulled me back. A car brushed past me, if I had been any further into the road I would have been killed. He beeped as he passed and swore. Adrenaline surged through my body, I gasped, relieved to be alive, and safe. I twisted around. It was Will, still holding my wrist he pulled me closer, out of the road. I looked into his eyes properly for the first time since the party.

"Thank you. You saved my life." A sob escaped my lips and tears spilled over my eyes.
"Shh," he said, drawing me into his arms.

He held me close as I cried, my head against his chest. He smelled so good, like fresh air. Once sated I peeked up at him, embarrassment blazing on my cheeks. He looked at me and I couldn't read his expression. It wasn't pity though, which I'd been expecting.

"Sorry," I said looking down again. "I've soaked your t-shirt."
"Don't be sorry Josie," He lifted my chin until I looked at him once more. He twisted some strands of my blonde hair in his fingers and tucked them behind my ear. "Can I take you out sometime?"
Taking in his kind light green eyes and scruffy brown hair I nodded, "Yes."

He kissed me then, his lips firm on mine for a moment. It finished too soon. I sighed wistfully and he chuckled for a moment. When I looked at him though his expression was almost fierce and he wiped away the tears under my eyes.

"I'll take you home now." He took my hand.

Eyes Closed

Eyes closed
She was aware
Of every sound
His lips
His kiss
His breath
His heartbeat
The cool water
He dripped into
Her mouth
His fingertips
Exploring
Her curves.

Don't Believe